Firstly you have to understand that if you are having Intrusive thoughts this does not mean you have done anything wrong or that you are a bad person, although it can actually make you feel like you have committed a crime, you need to know that you haven’t done anything wrong, if you are experiencing any type of unwanted or bad thoughts or distress by this and also feel you cannot tell anyone about this for fear of being mocked or vilified, please again, be assured that you have done nothing wrong, you are experiencing a form of OCD called Intrusive Thoughts.
Please do not suffer in the silence of your own mind, make an appointment as soon as you can to see your GP who will listen and understand what the next step would be in getting you the help you require, the longer you try and deal with this yourself it will only get worse.